Into the Fire
by Sailor Elysia
Summary: It's Mamoru's turn to get the lightning strike. Being the "logical" guy that he is, what will he do?


Disclaimer: Naoko-sama gleefully owns Mamoru.  
Garth Brooks owns the song.  
I guess I have some claim to the stream of consciousness within. o_O  
  
  
Into the Fire 1/1  
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]  
rated PG  
  
  
-------------------------------  
This is how it seems to me  
Life is only therapy  
Real expensive  
And no guarantee  
-------------------------------  
  
  
"Motoki, what am I going to do?"   
  
"What do you mean? I'm still trying to figure out when in the world your feelings for Usagi changed." He shook his head. "To be honest, I never expected you to fall for her. With all the fighting you two do, I thought you hated each other."  
  
Mamoru sighed. "I thought so too. But something's changed. I don't know if it's me or if it's her. But there's no way I can pursue this! It's insane!"  
  
Motoki glanced at his friend. "I've never known you to avoid a girl, Mamoru. Usagi or not, I thought you'd be happy."  
  
"She's 16!" he exclaimed wildly.  
  
"And you're 19, so what? She's of age, you know."  
  
Mamoru groaned. "Don't remind me."  
  
Motoki motioned for his friend to quiet down. "I pulled you back here for a reason. You wouldn't want your voice to carry out into the game area. What if Usagi-chan's out there and she hears you?"  
  
Mamoru froze, knowing that his friend was right. The girl who had suddenly become his object d'affection probably was somewhere in the midst of Crown, determined to beat the next level of a video game. He could just picture her now, staring intently at the screen, the tip of her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration...  
  
Obsession could prove to be his undoing if he wasn't careful.  
  
-------------------------------  
So I lie here on the couch  
With my heart hanging out  
Frozen solid with fear  
Like a rock in the ground  
-------------------------------  
  
  
Mamoru flopped down onto the worn vinyl couch Motoki kept in the back room. "I feel like such an idiot. I never saw this coming."  
  
"How could you? It's not like you're an expert at falling in love with your best enemy. You're not even that good at falling for a girl you like," Motoki quipped.  
  
"Shut up," Mamoru muttered. He hated when Motoki was right... "But why did it have to be her? Why Usagi, of all girls?"  
  
His friend shrugged. "My guess is because she's the only one who can get a response out of you. She doesn't flirt with you like all the other girls. I've watched you avoid the ones who do."  
  
"They scare me," Mamoru said matter-of-factly.  
  
"And Usagi doesn't?"  
  
"No... she might be the same age as those other girls, but she's different. She's not afraid to fight back when I tease her. She goes through so many emotions at once. It's rather entertaining for me to watch her. Even when we aren't fighting... there's just something about her that I can't explain... but something draws me to her." Mamoru ran a hand through his hair. "Usagi is... just Usagi." He bit his lip before he said anything more. He already sounded so whipped.  
  
Motoki held back his laughter. "Now I see why you tease her so much. You don't know how else to get close to her." He shook his head. "I hope you tell her one of these days, or else you're gonna explode."  
  
-------------------------------  
Woman you move me  
You give me courage I didn't know I had  
You move me  
Now I can't go with you  
And stay where I am  
So you move me  
-------------------------------  
  
Mamoru left the arcade before he could run into Usagi. He couldn't think of anything clever to say while his emotions were so close to the surface. He could feel his heart pounding furiously and he didn't like it. He wasn't used to such a weird feeling. He was a shell, a 'void of emotion,' Usagi had called him once during one of their infamous fights. That had been one of her more impressive moments... one that had left him speechless.  
  
He always felt different around Usagi. Just like Motoki had pointed out, he was able to talk to her like it was no big deal. Mamoru never thought of their interactions any other way. Usagi reacted and he just saw that as an invitation to talk to her more... no matter how annoyed she seemed to get.  
  
But now he felt like a complete idiot. He didn't know what to say to her anymore... his usual witty banter wasn't what it used to be. He groaned inwardly. This was so stupid... how and when did he fall in love with a girl so much younger than him? And why was he letting it rule his life? The odd stream-of-consciousness running through his mind like a train out of control was enough to make him scream... if he were the sort of person who screamed out loud in public.  
  
Mamoru wasn't sure how much longer he could keep playing this game. He couldn't move forward without telling Usagi how he felt, because, she was after all, a vital part in the whole scheme of things. But even if he didn't tell her, he couldn't stay where he was anymore.   
  
Limbo was not an attractive vacation spot.   
  
-------------------------------  
This is how love was to me  
I could look and not see  
Going through the emotions  
Not knowin' what they mean  
-------------------------------  
  
The wheels were still turning in his head as Mamoru reached a secluded area in the city park. It was far away from the lake and popular walking paths, with just enough tree cover to satisfy his need for seclusion. Strangely enough, this side of the park rarely saw a large amount of people, even though there was a small playground perfect for little kids.  
  
Mamoru didn't mind the playful noise the kids made, but this was one time when he was grateful to have the area to himself. Here was one place he could drop the mask and relax... even if it wasn't much of a difference, or so most people thought. He was not a very emotive person by nature, which was rather apparent in the way Mamoru conducted himself in public. Even people close to him didn't see the relaxed side of him often.  
  
He laid down in the cool grass, stretching his body on the soft green blades. The leafy branches shaded his eyes from the bright summer sun, but their shadows danced delicate steps when a gentle breeze would pass through.  
  
Blessed golden silence... this was absolute paradise.  
  
And for just a split second, Mamoru forgot about his dilemma.  
  
But when that second passed, it all came back again.  
  
He sighed. What in the world could he do? It wasn't like he could walk up to her and say, 'I think I'm in love with you, so why don't we put all of our fighting behind us like it never happened.' Usagi wasn't -that- stupid.   
  
The blades of grass were at eye level as Mamoru rolled over onto his side. He just didn't know what to do... or to say. Curse the fact that he was even getting this worked up over something so silly, so trivial... so... important.  
  
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And it scared me so much  
That I just wouldn't budge  
I might have stayed there forever  
If not for your touch  
-------------------------------  
  
Any time love or something like it because part of the equation, Mamoru seemed to shut himself away from everyone and everything. He honestly didn't know how to approach the emotion. Maybe it was because he never experienced or received much of it as a child, or maybe it was something entirely different. He never gave it much thought.  
  
Blades of grass tickled Mamoru's palm as he ran his hand over the freshly cut grass. Why did this whole thing have to be so overly dramatic? It wasn't like it was life or death...  
  
But it could be.  
  
Mamoru groaned, clutching a handful of grass in his fist. 'Okay,' he said to himself, 'let's think through this calmly and rationally. What would my life be life if Usagi wasn't around?'  
  
No more name calling... no running into blonde odangos every morning... silence in the Crown as he downed his daily dose of caffeine... no wailing or her pitiful pout... no playful banter... no Usagi bent over the video games... missing that sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes...   
  
Mamoru grunted in frustration. He was sunk.  
  
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Oh but you move me  
Out of myself and into the fire  
You move me  
Now I'm burning with love  
And with hope and desire  
How you move me  
-------------------------------  
  
The sounds of children laughing and playing on the playground finally caught his attention. He rolled over to face the rest of the park, silently taking in all of the activity. A small group of children raced around the play area in a game of tag, while other children seemed content with the sand. Across the way, he noticed an older girl pushing a younger child on a swing. They were both giggling, obviously enjoying themselves. The older girl pushed the little girl again, this time running beneath the swing as it flew up extremely high. Both girls let out shrieks of laughter, and it was then that Mamoru realized why he was so entranced by their movements.  
  
The older girl was Usagi.  
  
It didn't click until he focused on her ponytails flying behind her as she swung beside the little girl. He watched her every move, smiling to himself when she laughed or giggled. Good grief, he sounded like he was obsessed with the girl. Perhaps he was. That was nothing new.  
  
How did she manage to change his whole way of thinking in one moment?  
  
How could one person be so happy?  
  
At first he thought it wasn't fair for her to go dancing about without a care while the rest of the world was forced to slug through all of the despair and loneliness. But that didn't seem right.   
  
It wasn't right because Usagi was the kind of person who did care. She went out of her way to make complete strangers smile. She took the time to make a difference. And that's what made her happy.  
  
Mamoru ran a hand through his hair, thinking back on all the times he denied her any sort of friendship and felt guilty about it. He had just assumed that she was like the other teenage girls he knew, loud, obnoxious, and underneath it all, had some silly crush on an older guy.  
  
That made him smile. Usagi was known to be loud and obnoxious at times... but as for the silly crush... he had never dared to find out.  
  
Until now.  
  
  
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You go whistling in the dark  
Making light of it  
Making light of it  
And I follow with my heart  
Laughing all the way  
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The urge to get up and join in on their fun suddenly overwhelmed Mamoru. Would he be welcome, or would Usagi ignore him altogether? It wouldn't be the first time for either of them. He got up and slowly approached the girls—now sitting on a blanket underneath a shady tree—from behind, careful not to draw attention to himself. He didn't want Usagi to spot him before he had a chance to think about what to say. She was in for a bit of a surprise this time, because the only name Mamoru planned to call her was her own.  
  
At that moment, Mamoru caught the gaze of the little girl, so he smiled in hopes that she might keep his approach a secret. But the girl did the exact opposite by reaching over and tugging on Usagi's sleeve. "There's a man behind you, Usagi-chan."  
  
Usagi twisted around abruptly, a look of surprise registering on her face. She mouthed his name, apparently startled by his sudden appearance, then the light in her eyes darkened slightly.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She obviously wasn't all that pleased to see him because she assumed she knew what was coming.  
  
The little girl tugged on her sleeve again. "Usagi-chan?"  
  
"What is it, Mariko-chan?"  
  
With all of the wisdom the five year old could muster, Mariko replied, "Is that man a stranger? Mama says pretty girls shouldn't talk to strange men."  
  
Usagi bit her lip to hold back her laughter, but Mamoru let out a chuckle. He bent down to Mariko's level and smiled. "And your mama's absolutely right. Only friends should be allowed to talk to pretty girls. Is it all right if I talk to Usagi?"  
  
Mariko studied Mamoru for a moment, her eyes lingering on his face. "I guess so. If Usagi-chan says it's okay."  
  
Standing up to his full height, Mamoru caught Usagi's gaze as if to ask her permission. Sensing no harm in a brief conversation, Usagi looked back down at Mariko. "Can you go swing by yourself then? I'll only be a few minutes." Mariko nodded vigorously, running off towards the swings as fast as her short little legs could carry her.  
  
Usagi's gaze followed the little girl for a moment, then it came back to rest on Mamoru. "So what's so important that it can't wait? We usually argue at Crown, not in the middle of the park."  
  
"What makes you think I came here to argue with you?"  
  
"Isn't that what we're doing right now?" Usagi retorted. Mamoru could tell she was close to sticking out her tongue in defiance. He was so used to this mood of hers that he could probably call a play by play on it as they continued to talk.  
  
"No, it's what you're doing. I just came here to talk," he pointed out.  
  
Usagi rolled her eyes. "You always have to have the last word, don't you," she muttered. Then she cast a glance in Mariko's direction and her face softened. "Mamoru-san, I'm supposed to be watching her this afternoon. Do you think this could wait until later?"  
  
"You're really good with children," Mamoru said softly, also watching the little girl swing happily.  
  
"What?" His comment had caught her off guard.  
  
"I was watching you play with her earlier," he continued as if Usagi hadn't spoken, "and you looked like nothing in the world could be better. It was simply amazing." Then he turned to look directly at the blonde girl. "I just want to ask you something and then I'll leave you alone."  
  
"What is it?" Usagi responded, her voice almost a whisper.   
  
Mamoru took a deep breath. "I just want to know, in such a dark world, how you always manage to have such a beautiful smile. How the light always reflects in your eyes. Maybe someday you'll want to share your secret." Then suddenly he winked at Usagi. "See you around, Odango."  
  
She didn't even flinch at the nickname.  
  
  
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Oh 'cause you move me  
You get me dancing and you make me sing  
You move me  
Now I'm taking delight  
In every little thing  
How you move me  
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Owari  
  
  
(I was feeling evil and cliffhanger-ish. ^^;;;) 


End file.
